Yosh! Welcome; this is my “anxiety-blog”.
Wherein I intend to nervously ‘scribble’ my thoughts, especially the ones which pertain to mental health…. It may well end up being filled with everything else from my life. Just as my anxiety spills into every aspect of my life, the rest of my life sloshes over the bounds and flows into my thoughts about my anxiety.
Focusing on mental health, also means looking at mental wellness, and that means not discounting everything I enjoy in my life which helps to make me more well.

My varieties of madness:
Anxiety (generalized, social, & panic disorder [+ Agoraphobia]), Attention Deficit Disorder, life-long history of depression, Insomnia/’difficulties sleeping’, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, sensory-processing issues, also non-neurotypical by all practical measures

I feel like with all the troubles they cause me this feels like it should be a much bigger laundry list (and maybe I am forgetting something, or will be diagnosed with something else later on, who knows) but there it is, in all it’s ‘glory’.

I’m also a synesthete (emotion–>colour, and colour–>emotion, visual–>texture sensation, andΒ  some visual–>spatial) — I’m more of an associator when it comes to both the colours and textures (unless I haven’t slept in days, then all bets are off), but I see spheres, like bubbles, when looking up at a sunny sky.

A little more about me:
genderqueerish afab (I’m the opposite of strongly attached to my gender)
Born in 1987
Married contentedly

Traits I have: analytical, careful, dialectic-thinker, empathetic, good-humoured, loving, open-minded, quiet & loud, stubborn, zippy then zonked.

Hobbies: Drawing, cooking, gaming (video & table-top), learning, linguistics, reading, researching, scribbling notes to myself, sky-gazing, thinking, walking, yacking on and on…

Views: I’m an evidentialist, and could also be described as a ‘secular humanist’, my political views are those of a Canadian “leftist”. (Note on politics: I would like an instant runoff system rather than our ridiculous first past the post system. Also I would like more direct democracy.)

I’m still pretty much a laymen when it comes to most things, but I enjoy learning, and am getting more proficient all the time.


14 thoughts on “About

  1. I have nominated your blog for the Liebster Award because I think you’re awesome πŸ™‚ You are under no obligation to accept so you can just sit there and smile, knowing I appreciate your blog. Have a great day!

  2. Thanks for following my blog and all the best with yours. By the way what is it like having synesthesia? How does it affect the way you interact with others and the world around you?

    • Thank you, and no problem!
      Synesthesia is an interesting thing since it’s so individual. For mine I’d say that impacted my interactions a lot more before I knew the word synesthesia, or what it is. I tried to look up my experience and found a lot of disinformation, stuff about auras, and what specific colours mean, and of course none of it applies to me, so when I tried to apply it to my experience it caused problems. (I was mistrustful of people when I didn’t need to be, because their behaviour didn’t match what I’d read about the colours meanings)
      Most of the stuff about auras was written before there was such a thing as neuroscience, so I wonder if it isn’t just like old medical science; where people who had a thing (a variety of synesthesia), or doctors who noticed a patient mentioning an experience (colour synesthesia), cataloged things as best they could, but because they didn’t use the scientific method, and/or couldn’t examine the brain well their explanation is wildly offbase and not tied to reality.

      At this point I’d say my synesthesia is just a basic ‘barometer’ for how I feel about someone. Because I’ve grown up with it I’m just used to it. It’s just an additional way I can confirm with myself as to how I feel about a person. “Yup, Janet makes me nervous alright.” “I’m indifferent towards Johnathan.” “Being around Jennifer makes me happy”, et cetera.
      Unless someone is wearing bright yellow, in which case they are hard to look at without feeling anxious, or a pattern that makes me itchy (very few people wear those fortunately. I’m glad it’s not the 80’s), then my other synesthesias don’t impact conversations at all.
      If someone is dressed in an ‘uncomfortable way’ for me, I mitigate it with behaviours that are socially awkward, but at least I can be comfortable, so I stare at something else, only looking up at the person’s face occasionally so as to not have my eyes cross their clothing. I have a hard time with eyecontact, and am socially awkward to begin with, which means I’m often looking away from people even if they don’t have crazy patterns, so it’s honestly not all that different.

      • Oh, I see. The first time I heard about Synesthesia I found it fascinating because it seemed like such an impossible thing, you know. I later read about it in a book called “The Frog Who Croaked Blue” and that’s when I realised it has so many different levels and really is different based on each synesthete. I met a guy who told me that he literally tastes words!

        Life truly is fascinating, isn’t it? I think there are so many things about the human experience that we don’t understand. That’s why I appreciate when I can learn from the experience of others. Thanks for sharing.

        • Hm, from the synopsis that looks to be a fascinating book, maybe I’ll have to track it down and give it a read. πŸ˜€

          The first introduction I had to it was in my creative writing class. We were listening to (recorded) reading by a poet who has synesthesia, (I wish I could remember her name :\ ) and our teacher explained the phenomena in basic terms, then had listen to some music and write about the colours or sensations, or whatever that the sounds gave us, followed by writing a poem as if we had synesthesia.
          (Upon reading mine about textures and colours, she suggested that I might have synesthesia.)

          Tasting words sounds fascinating. I wonder if the same meaning tasted different depending on the language, or if it was the sound of the words which gave them their ‘taste’?
          I’ve not met many other synesthetes, but most I meet seem to have way more interesting synesthesias than I do. I’m kind envious, in a childish ‘why can’t my toy be that nice’ way. (teehehe)

          It is! I am utterly enamored by the variation in the human experience. Glad to find a kindred on that note. ^_^
          Thanks for asking! πŸ˜€

          • Lol. I’ve had moments where I feel a bit envious but in a way I’m very glad I don’t have the “word-taste” synesthesia.

            The guy I met suggested it was the sound of the words that affected the taste. He told me what some words tasted like but sadly I can’t remember. Some of his examples didn’t sound so pleasant so. I kinda felt bad for him when I imagined how it would be to have no control over nasty tastes after listening to others speak. Yuck! Talk about unpleasant conversations.

            The book was pretty interesting for sure — didn’t read all of it but it’s very comprehensive and pretty easy to read. The writer mentioned many different types of synesthesia even ones I had no clue about like numbers/ time in landscapes… I don’t remember the exact details but he explained how some people have mental landscapes which affect the way they experience the world. I think it also has a connection with savants who are gifted with mathematics,etc.

            Here’s a video I found featuring the author of the book about different types of synesthesia. I hope you get to read the book πŸ™‚


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