Que the awkward shuffling of my feet.
Sorry folks. I don’t have many people who are likely to have noticed my existence, so my absence could hardly make a large impact, but I disappeared from this blog for a while.
That is to say, I never really left, I just sort of suddenly couldn’t cope with hitting the “post” button, or responding to anything I read. At least temporarily.
Anxiety is in my blog name for a reason, it interferes with my life on the regular. It just sort of interfered even more than average, and made even the things I like doing, hard for me.
How? A nervous niggling sensation that something is “wrong” settles into my brain, and I try to remind myself it’s irrational but that doesn’t make it go away.
Persistent somatic anxiety, that is physical sensations or symptoms of anxiety with no specific discernible thoughts attached.
Of course I’m used to it happening, I know logically that the sensation is usually a brain error, since I get a lot of false positives on nervous feelings. Which is par for the course in having anxiety disorders.
The sensation can be very intense though, and I reach a point where no matter how much I know it’s probably an error I just need to stop everything I’m doing for a while.
Anxiety is a disability, and it is utterly exhausting to feel it all the time, spoon depleting.
Somatic anxiety is not exactly hyper vigilance, but it feels like it.
In addition, my brain and body aren’t always wrong, sometimes it’s worth my while to least just to check that it’s not something I’m doing causing the anxious sensations, and it really is an error.
I have no need in my life for anything which adds additional anxiety, I have enough naturally.
Things I can do without: Toxic friends, exposure to something I didn’t realize was triggering me, constantly being put or putting myself in positions where I can’t sensorily cope, or doing things which are just ‘not my jam’ and make me uncomfortable or unhappy as a result.
These are all things I can change, as long as I can suss them out.
So I go lurker on my life.
Rebooting is how I think of it. Slowly restart each of the things I think I can manage.
I’ve reached the point in my reboot where I feel I can blog again. (Yay!)
Sorry for the delay, I’m claiming “technical difficulties”.
(No, I know I’m not hilarious. Yes, I do sometimes think I am.)
How about it, my fellow anxious people: Do you ever “Reboot” to remove additional stress from your life?