Sleep-waking, no not sleepwalking, and not day-dreaming either…

I’m experiencing a bit of ‘not tired when I should be’. I could call it insomnia, but part of it is choice in that I haven’t tried to fall asleep yet, due to said lack of sleepiness, so I’m not sure if I could sleep… Quite possibly, my ability to zonk when attempting to has been getting better, even without actively feeling tired, as my stress levels have reduced.

This, however, is leaving me in the odd state where I’m not quite awake even while clearly waking. Sleep-waking.
So I thought I’d tell you about it.
Sleep-waking, where you feel just a bit more out of touch and groggy, but your mental processes are still functioning. Sleep-waking, when you can walk around without stumbling or having that ‘tired walk’ that some people acquire, but you know your reaction time is slowed because you need to *think* about your feet to be able to feel them for sure.
Sleep-waking, where you’re not actually day-dreaming, but you are finding your mind wandering off-task quite readily, to the point of occasionally wondering what it was you were doing, even while it should be obvious, because you were say, mid-sip of a beverage.
It’s probably because your brain is having microsleeps,so don’t worry about it.
Don’t drive though, okay? (“Okay!” *thumbs up*)

That’s another thing which I do when I’m sleep-waking, have a few extra mini-conversations with myself.
“Should I have some milk? But you already brushed your teeth. Yeah, but I’m slightly peckish and brushing my teeth again isn’t so bad. Okay, I guess then.”
Most of them are in my head, but every once in a while I’ll say something of it out loud.
“But bongos math versus regular math would be subjective, and they wouldn’t be as accepted as in Faynman‘s days anyway…”
And yes, of course it is usually the things that make little sense without either context or knowing me.

Oh, and if asked about something while I’m thinking it, my brain has this really nasty habit of just dumping everything I was thinking about to try and pay attention to the person speaking, even if said person is requesting to know what it was I thinking, mumbling, or chuntering about.
For me, thinking about what I was going to say, and listening, are very difficult to do at the same time, and when fatigued they become nigh mutually exclusive. Thus carrying on a conversation with anyone other than myself becomes quite problematic, as they have to wait for me to formulate what I’m going to say after they’ve finished speaking, or if pressed I also might choose to blurt out the first thing the comes to mind, even if it’s superfluous to the conversation at hand. If only being really tired were the sole time I struggled with this issue, then perhaps it would be more understandable/acceptable.

Did I mention I’m capable of interrupting myself too? Oh yes, other people are not the only ones who can throw me right off track, even in ‘conversations’ with myself I can get a sudden distraction or ‘brain blank’. Like if I move strangely while thinking and then need to suddenly focus my attention on not bumping into something (in normal clumsy person way). Okay so that might be pretty average, being clumsy that is, clumsy people don’t all just lose their thoughts. But a better example, I can also get distracted if my body starts deciding I’m hungry, just noticing and acknowledging that can prevent me from continuing the thought I was just having. (Fortunately only sometimes.)
Oh my dear brain, you need better coping mechanisms, and means of paying attention.
Perhaps let’s start with going to sleep. 🙂

Have you ever experienced sleep-waking? If so, what is it like for you?

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4 thoughts on “Sleep-waking, no not sleepwalking, and not day-dreaming either…

  1. Wow this post is amazing. I can literally relate to it 100%. Sleep-Waking… so I guess there is a word for what I have been experiencing virtually my whole life. I have worked in the restaurant industry for the past say 4 years as a waiter. My mind always tends to wander and I too frequently would have conversations in my head – Especially when taking orders. At random times of the day my co-workers will over hear me talking to myself. Some think it’s funny, but others who know more about my past think I’m descending further and further into madness. Talking to myself for the most part is what keeps me sane. They say your not crazy if you talk to yourself, only if you answer. I do both. And of course just like you I interrupt myself. Crazy crazy crazy. It was a pleasure reading your post.
    They say don’t drink and drive. I guess for us it’s “Don’t Micro-Sleep and Drive!”
    – Derek

    • Well I’m glad to reach someone who can related. 😀
      Though I just decided upon the term, you’re welcome to come up with your own, and if it’s more apt, or I like it more, I’d totally adopt it instead of my own choice. (Though I admit being already attached to terms I make up, which sometimes leads to stubbornly hanging on to a term I made up in face of the discovery of a term which has existed for over 100 years. My solution was to keep both and just allow it to become synonymous in my head.)

      I think the sentiment that you can’t answer yourself back, is possibly based on the lack of acceptance of active thinking.
      Active thinking is considering something, and then either brainstorming or trying to consider the myriad of possible options discussing their merits to yourself. You can actually either break down or build up an idea on your own that way. This is very useful for writing, so…
      Beside crazy isn’t a bad thing anyways, I mean depending on how you handle it. I’ve always been proud of being crazy myself, it makes me interesting.
      It interferes a whole bunch, but sometimes the interference itself serves to push me to grow in fascinating ways, like a tree in a forest, dodging other trees shadows to grow towards the light.
      Perhaps in that same way you could look at your varieties of crazy, and see where they have pushed you to grow?

      • I believe I am definitely that tree growing in the forest. I love my crazy self. It really sets me apart from the majority of people in this world. Yes, at times it may get me in trouble or into difficult situations, but in the end it makes me me and many people love me for it. Some love how I frequently talk to myself. Those are the kinds of people I need in my life. I try my best to block everyone else out and continue my journey through life “Sleep-waking”. Hopefully one day I’ll wake up and truly be happy. Doing my best to put all the necessary work in now. Take care and thanks again for your amazing writing and replies.
        – Derek

  2. Bongo maths is cool!
    I don’t think I experience sleep-waking (cool term, BTW) but instead very heavy bouts of denial/dissociation which cause hours to slip by in a tormented yet barely-remembered blur.

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